Disciplined But Never Whipped

Welcome one and all to the show today--I’m Wanda Thibodeaux, and you’re listening to Faithful on the Clock, the podcast all about getting your faith and work aligned. If you’ve ever wondered if being disciplined really can help you out in your job or career, or if you want to know how to work on it, then stick around, because this episode takes a look at it every which way. Settle in for a few minutes, and I’ll start the exam.

I think a good way to start the conversation here is to recognize that discipline just in the sense of, you know, willpower or consistency, it isn’t perfectly black and white. It’s kind of like work-life balance in that way, there are nuances to it, and you can’t always find a clear line. For example, I think there’s this tendency to think that you’re either disciplined or not, but I don’t think you should label yourself in permanent marker about it. For example, I stick to a pretty routine schedule every day, I’m disciplined in that way. But when it comes to something like saying no to some French fries or always backing up my documents, naw, I got nothin’.

And I do think that discipline is absolutely something you can learn, it’s something that varies from place to place or culture to culture. Japan, for example, is known for its discipline. And I point that out because when you’re at work, you’re going to be around people with different discipline levels and philosophies, that’s just reality. And you have to find ways to come to some kind of compromise about how hard you’ll push or how strict you’ll be. And it becomes really important that everybody is clear on where the bar is, and that you understand you can adapt to meet whatever that level is.

In that sense, I think of 1 Corinthians 9:24, it kind of speaks to the competitive view, and it says, “Do you not know that in a race all runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.” So there is this recognition even in scripture that winning or succeeding takes something different, takes more effort. And it does, it absolutely does. You know, it’s hard. But if the prize is valuable enough, then establishing that discipline is worth it.

So then you have to ask, what is the prize you’re working for? In your business, most people, right away, profits. That’s what most people are going to think of. Market share. All of the metrics-based stuff. But there’s an interpersonal prize, too. You can define discipline just as being consistent. And what happens when you’re consistent with people is that they learn to trust you. You know, a customer, if 3 out of the 5 things they buy from you break, well, pretty soon they just won’t buy from you anymore. But if you, every time, you deliver and meet their expectations, then they stick around.

[3:10]

So the first issue there is just how are you disciplining. You know, like I said, following the rules, doing things differently than everybody else, being consistent so that you can win, that’s tough work. It’s not, you know, it’s not enjoyable. Hebrews 12:11 says, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.” And so if you’re a leader, or even if you’re just working with others in a group, the trick is just to enforce the rules and ask for that consistency in a way that doesn’t make people suffer any more than they have to. This is where you pull out the psychology and start using positive reinforcements on the behavior you want to see.

Another big part of this is forgiving. You can be clear about the rules and still give people plenty of time to learn and change. Don’t just give the harshest punishment you can right out of the gate. You want to give more carrots than sticks and have the punishment go up at a reasonable level, and the person you’re disciplining shouldn’t be surprised at what gets dished out. It all should be in the handbook and communicated verbally. And if it’s not, then you have an obligation to make sure that it gets written down and communicated.

And don’t forget here that the standard applies to everybody, including you. When you screw up, you gotta let it go. You gotta tell yourself you can learn and try again and keep your eye on the prize. Don’t quit and get bogged down or think you’ll never do any better. God has faith in you, so you gotta follow His lead and have faith in you and forgive you, too.

But that leads me to my next point, which is, how do you improve your discipline if it’s...well, one pancake short of a full stack? And this isn’t just, OK, you just make a calendar or a plan. I see a lot of people try and do that. Because if you’re able to follow a plan, then you already have discipline. There ain’t no problem. It’s getting to the point where you can follow the plan, you know, getting yourself to execute the behavior in the plan every time, that’s the struggle.

So first of all, get yourself an accountability buddy. That could be somebody on your team or your boss or a mentor, but it also could be a friend, family member, even somebody you can talk to on social media. But there was a study from the American Society of Training and Development, and they found that people are 65 percent more likely to meet a goal after committing to another person. And the odds of success balloon to 95 percent when they use ongoing meetings with their buddy to check in on their progress. And I think that’s partly because it gives people the chance to get feedback, share resources, that kind of stuff. But I also think most of it honestly is just, we’re so stupid scared of people thinking bad of us. So it’s fear that’s giving the push, but the consequence of that fear ends up being positive.

Secondly, use habit bundling. Some people, I’ve heard it called temptation bundling, too, but it’s the exact same thing. This is just the idea that, if you’ve got something you already do well or enjoy, you connect that thing to the thing you need more discipline about. So for example, let’s say I have a bad habit of skipping breakfast, and I just need to get myself to have a bite in the morning. Now let’s say I love me some coffee. I’ll admit it, I totally do. Well, then I might bundle the coffee and the breakfast together, maybe put an apple near the coffee pot or something. There was an article that came out in, I think it was back in February, from Harvard Business Review, that talked about this, and it actually pointed out how half of our daily actions are driven by repetition. So if you’re gonna do that much over and over again, then you might as well use all that repeated behavior to reinforce new things you want.

Third, see if there’s a way to create a hurdle. I know, we talk a lot in business about getting rid of hurdles, but hear me out. But for example, let’s say you keep sneaking onto Facebook or Twitter on the clock. Well, you could install a software program to block Facebook and Twitter except on your breaks. That’s a tech-based barrier that’s very easy to implement and adjust.

[9:20]

Lastly, set small goals first. Business professionals, we like to talk about those big prizes, focusing on the why that’s going to motivate us. But King David, you can read 1 Samuel 17, he didn’t start out with Goliath. He started out practicing with his slingshot on little stuff, then he laid into bigger stuff like lions and bears. And even once he had the rock in his hand on the battlefield, he whipped it around in his slingshot a little to get a little momentum before he let it go and killed Goliath. And so let’s say physically, I just stink and I’m way out of shape. I might know I need to get in shape, I might have this vision of myself running a marathon. But if I try to go out on Day 1 and run all 26 miles, I’m just, I’m gonna crash and burn before I even make it to the corner store, you know what I mean? I’m totally gonna feel bummed out and not want to put on my sneakers again because the experience was bad. But if I say, OK, I’ll do just a quarter of a mile today, and I can do that, then I’ll feel good. The experience is positive. And I’m more likely to put on my sneakers tomorrow and do a half of a mile, and then three-quarters of a mile after that, and so on. Discipline isn’t like an on-off switch. You can treat it like a dimmer and gradually bring the lights up.

So just to recap those development points, go grab somebody who’s going to hold you to your behavior that you want. Bundle up your habits however it makes sense, create some barriers so it’s not easy to do the same old thing, and then keep your goals smaller at the start so you have good experiences and build your confidence.

I just want to end here with just one word of caution. There is such a thing as too much self-discipline. And I definitely think we’re leaning toward that in terms of business culture. We have this idea that you have to be super disciplined or you just won’t succeed at all, EVER, that you just can’t ever let your guard down. And you can see that if you, you know, if you look for articles--you know, some of the headlines I found, you get things like “How Self-Discipline Can Unlock Your Business Success” and “8 Powerful Ways to Cultivate Extreme Self-Discipline,” here’s another one, “Here is the self-discipline you need as an entrepreneur.” You know, it’s always presented as a necessity. And if you don’t curb that, you can feel like you have to do EVERYTHING and get into a really perfectionistic mentality, and from there, it’s a real fast trip to burnout.

So even as you build good habits and get the consistency others can respect you for, just let it hang out a little sometimes. You can have fun and laugh at yourself and be spontaneous, because if business isn’t fun, if it doesn’t bring joy, then in my view, it’s not really doing much to serve people or God, and that’s supposed to be the point.

And after allllllll that, I’ll go ahead and offer a prayer.

God, 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds us that you give us a spirit not only self-discipline, but also power and love. But we need to approach discipline the right way, to exercise it with compassion and forgiveness, if it’s going to be effective. Stop us from taking it too far so that we can enjoy the freedom and beauty you’ve built into life, but help us grow enough of it so that we really do win the race and set ourselves apart. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Speaking of good discipline, I’m gonna practice it right now. I’m gonna draw a line, I’m gonna make sure I have a good lunch, and then I’m gonna go send some emails like I promised people that I would. Next week, I want you all to listen up, OK? Cuz I’m gonna be talking about Psalm 46:1, how God is an ever-present help, and what that means for your own relationships and everybody’s mental health. It’s gonna be Goooooood, so I’ll see you then, and until next time, be blessed.