As the talking magpie says in the old cartoon, hello everybody! I’m your host, Wanda Thibodeaux, and you’re listening to Faithful on the Clock, the podcast where every password gets reset to get your faith and work aligned. Today, we’re looking at one of my favorite movies of all time, It’s a Wonderful Life. We’ll take a look at the main character, George Bailey, to learn how to be more proactive about taking action for ourselves just as well as we take action for others. Here we go.

So, It’s a Wonderful Life is a pretty popular Christmas movie here in the United States. It’s this old 1946 film from director Frank Capra. But if you haven’t seen it, without giving you a bunch of spoilers, the main character is George Bailey. And George runs a building and loan company his father started. And he’s competing with this old, rich guy named Henry Potter. And Potter is just not that great of a person. He wants to get rid of George as a competitor. And so, George’s Uncle Billy, he’s kind of absent minded. And he and Potter are both at the bank, and they have this little confrontation. But over the course of that interaction, Uncle Billy accidentally hands Potter the $8,000 business deposit he was going to make. He doesn’t realize he’s wrapped the money in Potter’s newspaper and handed it over. But of course Potter sees what’s happened, and he doesn’t admit he knows where the money is. So, that all causes this huge financial crisis, and as a result of that, George contemplates suicide. And God sends an angel named Clarence to show George what life would be like if he were never born. But the thing about George is, he’s super ambitious. He’s always talking about going and traveling and building things, and he feels really stuck in the little town where he is working in the job he has. Maybe some of you out there can relate a little to that. But he’s always putting that dream on hold for other things, whether that’s helping his brother or saving the building and loan from Potter or whatever. And so he’s constantly waiting and sacrificing, and that’s where we get this term George Bailey syndrome. That refers to a situation in which somebody is sacrificial for others to the point where it hinders their own success, or where they’re sacrificing so much that everybody else wins because of them but they don’t get any reward. And this is especially important when you are new to a career or the business world because, you know, a little bit of sacrificing for others might win you a couple of friends, but if you sacrifice too much, you reach a point where you just run out of time to build yourself up. It’s kind of like investing, where if you wait too long to put in some deposits, you can’t cover what you need. And the other critical thing is, if you keep sacrificing and sacrificing, you can actually start to wonder if that dream God gave you is something He even wants you to go after. Like, you can start to feel like maybe you’re not actually called to do that dream because so many things seem to be getting in the way. And of course, if you’re going to serve God well, you don’t want to lose a sense of where you’re supposed to be for Him.

Now, I do want to make a side note here that a lot of people, when they talk about George Bailey syndrome, they take this attitude that George is just a doormat, that he’s letting everybody take advantage of him. And if you watch that movie, I don’t really think that’s a fair assessment of what’s going on. The way I interpret it, George absolutely has the capacity to stand up for himself. In fact, there’s a scene where he tells Potter to his face what he thinks of him. It’s just that he’s got really strong values toward protecting and loving other people. And he doesn’t know how to balance those values with the values of, you know, being free to just explore and live his life. If he were a doormat, he’d just say his dream didn’t matter, but he doesn’t. He holds onto it for years, and I think he just keeps putting it all off because even though he really wants to go and travel and learn, he also feels obligated to put out the fires he sees and step up where other people either won’t or can’t. He’s just caught in this huge pot of cognitive dissonance. And I bring that up because one of the biggest lessons I have heard in my life as I’ve worked is that if you really want something, you’ll just prioritize it. You’ll go after it if it really matters. And you can hear that and feel like, OK, maybe if I want to help other people or address this other thing, I’m just not passionate enough. Maybe I really don’t have the grit it takes to win. And then all of this doubt starts creeping in, because we hear all the time that, because things are so competitive, you can’t succeed if you don’t have passion for what you wanna do. So, I can just give you some examples from my experience to show you what I mean. So, I have been wanting to self-publish some books for years. Of course, that takes money. And a couple years back, we were settling my mother’s estate, and there was just a lot of drama with my siblings around how to do that. And long story short, it drained my savings to get out of the legal corner I got backed into. And there was just no way to resolve the interpersonal conflict that was going on without giving that money up. So, I’m like, OK, I’ll just have to wait to publish. And then after that, my husband got laid off. So, you know, then I’m in the position of, OK, pay the mortgage and keep a house for my family or publish books. And then after that, there were medical things with all of my family members going on where I couldn’t save much. And it wasn’t like I wasn’t passionate about writing through all that. It was just like, OK, maybe now isn’t the best time. If I just put it on hold, I can still do it and handle this other stuff. So, I say all that because I don’t want you to think that because you’re sacrificing a lot, those choices are bad choices or you’re doing something wrong. It doesn’t necessarily mean your self-esteem is in the toilet, although that certainly can cause issues if you’re struggling with that. And you might even have people who want to stop depending on you but who just aren’t equipped yet to do it. Parents out there, especially if you’ve got teenagers, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Or maybe you’ve got friends or family members who are recovering from different things who need a lot of support despite wanting to be more independent. And then on top of all of that, part of the Christian message that’s just drilled into people’s heads is to love your neighbor. And so, sometimes, we get confused and think that if we’re not sacrificing all the time, we’re not being good Christians. And sometimes people will even abuse that concept on purpose to get what they want. They’ll say things like, “Well, if you really were a Christian, you’d be less selfish and help me.” And that’s not just people-pleasing because you don’t want conflict, OK? That’s sacrificing because you’re afraid that, if you don’t, you’re not really a faithful person, that somehow you’re doing Christianity wrong. It becomes this whole integrity and identity thing. So, you know, it’s complicated. And I think if we use this label of doormat it doesn’t always acknowledge the full picture of what’s going on or all of the value systems that can be in conflict with each other.

But of course the question is, OK, how do you resolve that? How do you get to the point where maybe you sacrifice sometimes for really good reasons, but at the same time, you also have points where you choose yourself and go after whatever God’s put a fire in you for? And you know, a lot of gurus out there, the first thing they’ll tell you is, well, just get more grounded in your sense of purpose. Connect more to your why. But so often, the problem isn’t in knowing the why. It’s just in knowing whether that why is valuable enough to be the top priority. And if you’re caught between two good whys like George was, or like I was with all my financial trouble all those times, it gets really tough. So, if you already understand the intent or purpose behind what you’d do, my first advice is to take a look at all the people around you and the resources they have. Because especially in the United States where we’re taught to be independent problem-solvers, I think we default to believing that we have to address the issue just with what we have. We see it all from only our perspective. But just pause for a minute. Ask yourself, “OK, what could someone else bring to the table here? How could other people contribute?” And what that does is, it helps you see who else is equipped and potentially gives you access to more resources. See, in the movie, George keeps thinking that he has to come up with $8,000 all on his own. But at the very end, everybody comes and donates to help out. And even though individually nobody has a ton to give, collectively, it all adds up. And to me, that’s one of the biggest lessons in the film. You know, the movie comes out and says, no man is a failure who has friends. It teaches that money isn’t the only measure of success. But it’s also a moment where George learns he doesn’t have to be the sole problem solver. He can let other people help. So, don’t make the mistake of sacrificing because you haven’t explored whether other people can deliver to you out of their own love and faith. And I know for a lot of you out there that’s gonna be a challenge. Because sometimes, trusting people to be there and show up, you might have really legitimate reasons that’s hard. If you’ve gone through bad relationships or had trauma like I have, oh my gosh, it’s like, nope, nope, nope, feels way safer to just trust myself and fly solo. But I got to a point where I’m just like, you know what, my dream matters, but I can’t get there by myself. So, I either have to start trusting other people, or I have to let go of that dream, and the values I have around the dream mean that letting go isn’t an option, OK? And that’s incredibly hard, and it’s scary. But doing that work can mean that you don’t have to sacrifice, and that can make such a difference for the joy you get in life and the way you then show up to serve God. And I’ve given this verse before, but Galatians 6:2 is a good one for this issue. It says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” If people are supposed to carry some of your burden once in a while, you have to give them the opportunity to do it.

What I’ve also found really helpful is, you know, the saying from Alcoholics Anonymous is, play the tape or track to the end. And all that means is, you don’t prematurely stop looking at what will happen as a result of your actions. You really extend all the if-then statements out as far as you can. And what that does is, it stops you from sacrificing just because you feel like that’s the right thing in the immediate moment. Because emotionally, sacrificing in the present can calm you down and get that immediate stress to go away. But in the long term, that sacrifice you felt good about actually might create even bigger problems. So, it’s about making sure you think things through with a big picture approach as you apply your values. And it’s kind of like that old airline advice where you have to put your mask on first, right? In the heat of the crisis, you might think, “Oh, my gosh, of course I’m going to make sure others get their masks on!” But the reason they tell you that is because if you can’t breathe and you pass out, well, now how are you gonna help? You can’t help anybody. So, that initial self-protective move is actually protective to others in the big picture. So, it’s really important, as you consider how others might be able to step in to assist you, that you take the time to look at different strategies and just say, “OK, if I play this path all the way out, where would everybody end up?” And sometimes if you do that, you’ll see that the initial sacrifice you want to make actually isn’t the best decision, even though you might feel very strongly about it in the moment. And brainstorming with other people can be really helpful here, because we all have blind spots, right? And other people can make sure we’re considering everything we ought to consider. And sacrifice, we can feel really black-and-white about it, like it’s either-or. But sometimes when you talk to other people, they can help you see paths you didn’t even realize were an option, and they can work with you to say, “What’s a path where both good things can happen?” I was actually working with a coach on how I could move forward with a book launch, you know, I started the session thinking, I either do this fundraising or I keep querying. And by the end of the session, she’d helped me realize, it actually didn’t have to be one or the other. I could query and fundraise at the same time. So, that’s where, you know, you can lean on verses like Proverbs 15:22, where it says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed.”

The last thing I’ve really started doing is looking for patterns. Because sometimes we end up in situations where we might have to sacrifice because we have other behavior habits we might not even be acknowledging, right? So, I actually — as I get closer to launching some book projects, my focus is ramping up. I’m getting pretty intense with all the little tasks around that. And when I was growing up, there wasn’t a lot of help or support, so when things needed to happen, I didn’t talk about it, I’d just buckle down and work. And so what’s been happening is, because I have this habit of not communicating about what I was doing or why it needed to happen, my husband and kids, they’d ask me to do other things and not realize what I was trying to get done. Like, they didn’t even realize I felt busy. And I’d cave to what they wanted to do. And I kept sacrificing that way because subconsciously, I didn’t really know I even could tell them. It didn’t register to me that talking about it was a choice because that habit of not talking about it was so built up. So, just backing up a little and objectively looking at what happens before you say yes to someone else, I think that can be really key. It might be that you’re way more prone to sacrifice under certain conditions or if other elements already are in place. And if you can learn to spot the red flags you have, then you can slow down and sort of stop that automatic response. You can think your next steps through and be intentional. And then, too, as you do that, just remember, relationships, they’re supposed to be reciprocal. You give, they give. So, it’s actually a really healthy thing to, again, just objectively investigate the patterns and ask yourself, “How long has it really been since they took a turn helping me out?” And if it’s been a while, that’s where you can be authentic with them and say, “Look, it’d really be great if this relationship were a little more balanced.” And you can do what I’m doing and work on being more direct about what’s going on and what you actually need. Because if they don’t know, they can’t help, right? And they might just have gotten so comfortable with the routine of things that they don’t realize they really ought to take a turn and help. So, you might have to level with them and say, “You know, this is the rut we’ve been in, and here’s why I’d really appreciate it if you reciprocated.” It’s not blaming or finding fault. It’s just acknowledging that there’s a way for things to be a little healthier. And they might resist at first, just because change is uncomfortable. But ultimately, remember about that play-the-track-to-the-end idea, it really might be the best thing to face that discomfort to get to a place that’s healthier for both you and them.

So, as I wrap up, I just want to emphasize a point that a lot of relationship therapists will tell you, and that’s that, if you are always the only one to be giving, you’re always the one to sacrifice anything, that has a way of breeding some serious resentment over time. And if you start to be resentful, that opens the doorway for bigger problems. The Devil can start messing with your head. You might lose patience and start lashing out when you shouldn’t, or you might start turning to less-than-Godly ways to try to meet the needs you have that aren’t met. So, being open with people and really building that reciprocity in the relationships you have, that’s actually a really protective and loving thing to do.

Let’s close it all out with a prayer.

Father in Heaven, I give thanks today because Your Son Jesus was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for all of us. And I pray today that as we accept that sacrifice, we’re willing to give you our lives back. Show us how to commit and serve in a way that honors everything You were willing to give up on the cross. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

That’s everything, listeners. For our next show, I’m tackling the most common Christian traits and behaviors work teams tend to abuse and how to protect yourself without creating conflict. If you’ve missed any episodes, visit our main site at faithfulontheclock.captivate.fm, and for even more great Christian business content, check out the additional blogs, essays, articles, video, and audio at faithfulontheclock.com. See you in two weeks, everybody. Be blessed.