It’s another beautiful day for a podcast episode, everybody! You’re tuned in to Faithful on the Clock, the podcast for Christian professionals where milk goes on the Reese’s Puffs to get your faith and work aligned. Today, it’s all about loose-leash leadership. We’re gonna get into what makes workers and bosses stick close together without pulling each other in opposite directions. Here we go.

So, I’m not sure what the weather is like where you are. But here in Minnesota, as I’m recording this, we’re just coming into some really beautiful weather for the summer. And so, of course, as part of that, I’m all geared up to get outside. I wanna be in the sunshine and fresh air. You ever feel that when the good weather hits? So, I’ve been going to this park that’s across the street from my condo complex. And as people will do in parks, there are a lot of people out walking their dogs. And maybe a year or two ago, I wouldn’t have paid as much attention to this. But I recently got my first dog ever, a little Yorkshire terrier named Taydoh. And I’m trying to train this dog to behave, right? And that includes basic leash training. And I’m in the park, and I start to really notice that some of these dogs, some of them are really out in front of their owners. You’ve got some who are just sniffing everywhere, and then you’ve got the ones who are always right next to their owners. And these dogs, they’re not pulling on the leash at all. They’re watching all the time to make sure they’re where the owner is.

Now, to get into how all of this ties to good leadership, I wanna point out here what makes these dogs stay in this loose-leash set-up next to their owners. So, when you train a dog, you can do it either through negative or positive reinforcement. Negative reinforcement, I don’t advocate that at all, but an example would be to use a switch on the dog if they started to move away from you. You’re teaching the dog in that case that if they don’t stick by you, they get hurt or something not so great happens. Positive reinforcement would be to give the dog a treat or some petting and praise. You’re teaching the dog that if they stick by you and don’t pay as much attention to whatever else is in the environment, they’re taken care of and good things happen. They don’t run off to get the squirrel or whatever because you’ve trained them to see you as the most interesting or important thing. In either case, you’re setting a big safety expectation for that dog, OK? You are teaching that dog what the relationship is. Now, both dogs might succeed at staying near their owner, right? But if you watch the dog, the one who is treated well, their body language is just completely different. They’re standing or sitting tall, their ears are relaxed, and they make tons of good eye contact with the owner. The dog that isn’t treated well, they’re guarded. You’ll see their ears stay back and they really struggle to look at the owner. You might even see them cowering a little bit in anticipation of that negative reinforcement. But a lot of the time, they’ll even pull back on the leash essentially as a defense mechanism. It’s their way of saying, “I don’t want to be anywhere near this person who’s mean to me, and I don’t feel safe.” And if something really grabs that dog’s attention, they can see that as being more positive than their owner is and want to go toward it.

So, the bottom line is, when a dog is really happy and relaxed and their leash is loose, when they stay next to the owner that way, it’s not because they’re being forced to. It’s because they want to because they’re not afraid. The dog chooses to stay and not pull because they know that next to their owner is a great place to be. And so the lesson is, control of the dog, getting obedience, it’s actually something that the owner has earned over time by treating that dog well. The dog obeys because the consistent kindness of the owner has built trust. And so what I want you to understand is that the obedience is a gift. The dog gives it to the owner as a response to feeling safe and taken care of.

So, let’s loop this back to leadership. Of course, people are not dogs. But on a really basic level, the same psychology applies. If you try to demand obedience, if you try to force people to follow you, it’s gonna backfire. If they’re motivated to stay close to you at all, it will be out of fear, not trust. And in the worst-case scenario, you’ll have people actively pulling back against you and what you’re trying to do because they don’t feel safe.

But the question then becomes, how specifically do you train people to stay by your side and do what you ask? Well, this is a little tricky because everybody’s a little different in terms of the positive reinforcements that work when you’re trying to reward them and redirect them away from what’s not as desirable. But have you ever had somebody in your life who just, over and over again, showed up for you? Like, I’ve got this good friend, we’ve been friends for years. And I remember going to this person after my husband and I moved out to Minnesota, because, you know, to be honest, it was really lonely when we moved out here. And they just listened. They didn’t make any demands. They just supported me. And they did the same thing at other points, like during the pandemic and I was going stir crazy and the kids had online school and — well, y’all remember what the pandemic was like. They’d read my writing and help me logic things out. And they’d give me different things depending on the situation. Sometimes, they’d just listen. Other times, they’d give me advice or volunteer to take something off my plate. But there was no doubt at all in my mind that the next time I needed somebody, they were gonna be kind. I didn’t always know exactly what they’d come back with, but the fact they came back with something good every time was absolutely consistent. I trusted it. And so, when my friend went through some tough things on their own or asked me for favors, I’m like, “Yes. Absolutely.” I didn’t even hesitate. Maybe, you know, hopefully, you’ve got a friend like that, too.

So, in the office, you need to ask yourself if what you’re giving is appropriate for the situation your worker or partner is in. Sometimes, what’s appropriate might be money. Maybe it might be introducing them to somebody. But what you’re trying to do is build the expectation that you are reliable and consistent in the way you show up. Because like I said, what we know from psychology is that when you are kind to somebody, it does inspire reciprocity. We’re more likely to act on someone’s behalf if they have acted on ours. So, when you consistently show up with kindness and safety, you improve the likelihood that the person you’re dealing with is going to mirror that.

And here’s the other thing. If you’ve watched some dogs at competitions, you know, they aren’t always familiar with the exact course or the exact space. But man, just look up some videos online sometimes. Those dogs, they don’t even hesitate. Doesn’t matter if the course or room is new. The dogs’ll just do what the handlers want. Now, why is that? It’s because the previous training they’ve had has taught them that wherever the owner is, that’s safe. They know that the owner is not going to lead them into something bad on purpose. So, in the work setting, this is where, if you’ve consistently shown up in a way that the other person can trust, they’re gonna go with you into new territory. Maybe that’s a merger or just trying a new software or something. But they’re gonna trust your judgment so that when you tell them to run or jump a hurdle or stay, it’s an almost automatic response for them to obey and do what you need.

Now, here’s where I want to tie all of this back to God and His leadership, OK? It is so easy, if you don’t read the whole Bible, to get an incomplete picture of who God is. And sometimes, if people haven’t treated us consistently — which unfortunately can be a lot of the time — we start to project all of that onto God. And that informs the way we think about how He disciplines. We don’t trust Him because we’re not sure what we’re gonna get from him. Or in the worst case, we’re like the mistreated dog, where we will start pulling on the leash because we’re so scared bad things are gonna happen if we don’t try to protect ourselves, or because we don’t understand how much more valuable He is than anything else around us. But what do we know about Jesus? He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:8. And what you have to understand about God’s character is that He holds discipline and love in the same hand. If you read the entire Bible, there is an absolutely consistent pattern of God wanting to bless us and be kind. Wherever there is discipline, it’s because we didn’t respond to the treats or gifts appropriately. Instead of listening and being respectful and accepting the gift, we bit his hand. It’s like, you know, if a dog is riled up, I know with my Yorkie, I don’t just let him keep running around in his freedom if he’s trying to nip at people or growling at the patio door. No, I pick him up. I get my hand in his collar and have him settle down. And when he’s not nipping or growling anymore, I give him his freedom back and toss him a ball or whatever. And God is the same way. We misbehave, He doesn’t just stand there. But He’s told us what to do. He’s told us there are gifts for staying close. And what you see over and over again is that He’s constantly asking us to be with Him and that He delivers good rewards when we listen. He’s not picking you up and holding your collar for no reason. He’s not disciplining you to be mean, and in fact, it would be worse for you if you learned it was OK to do bad things. So, the point here is, God is absolutely worthy of your trust. He is offering you every positive reinforcement He possibly can to train you in the way you need to behave and to help you understand that He’s safe. Maybe you’ve seen rescue dogs, where they’re just terrified sitting in the back of their kennel. Well, God’s the handler who sits by that kennel day after day, night after night with a little chicken or whatever in His hand to prove He’s not a source of pain. And what Jesus comes in and does is, every time we misbehave, every time we don’t deserve to be free, He lets us keep that freedom. We get to keep access to our cushy floor bed and toys and the good dog food that’s full price instead of the gross stuff that’s always on sale. It’s like He says, “I already sat in that time out for you. I already took the consequence.” And your job then in your freedom is to look back and say, “I’m grateful enough for this freedom that I’m not gonna act up again. You know, I was just one bite away from being put down. I’m not gonna throw away this new chance I’ve got now to be happy and be handled by somebody Who knows what they are doing. He gave me the ultimate high-value reward, the ultimate high-value gift so I would trust and understand how much He doesn’t want me to pull away.”

Now, with this idea of consistency, Craig Groeschel of Life Church, one of the things that he has preached is that we are all in training. We are all working to get a little better in our obedience to God, a little better at navigating this whole tough course of life. But if you know anything about well-trained dogs, you know their handlers are out there every day with them. Every day, it’s sit, heel, roll over. It’s not like, you know, once a month, or maybe on Wednesdays if you feel like it and have time. When the Sons of Korah talk about God being an ever-present help in Psalm 46:1, that’s part of what they were talking about. It wasn’t just about how we can count on God any time we’re struggling. It was also about the way He never stops training us. He is always showing us what to do, always giving us the practice, always reinforcing the good stuff. And the first takeaway there is, you know, I get it. Life’s busy. You’ve got a lot to do. There’s a lot of plates to keep spinning. But don’t make the mistake of thinking you can just walk out the door once you’ve shown somebody something or given a directive. You can’t. Because they’re not always gonna get it the first time. People forget. Skills atrophy. And real trust happens when they know the handler isn’t gonna disappear. So, commit to keep showing up as much as you possibly can. The second takeaway is, be patient within appropriate expectations. You know, when Taydoh was a puppy and we’d just brought him home, as puppies do, he’d treat my whole carpet as the bathroom. But I didn’t get mad at him, because I knew he was in training. I understood it was gonna take time to get him to use the little pee pad holder we have for him in the house. The first time I grabbed him and put him on that pad, he looked up at me like, “What in the world is this? What am I supposed to do?” And I had to just keep telling myself every time I grabbed him, “He’ll get better at it. He’ll learn.” And you know what? He totally did. Couple of weeks goes by, my carpet starts taking way fewer hits. And now, you know, as I’m recording this, he’s about 18 months old. He’s super consistent, because I didn’t give up. I stuck with it and rewarded him every single time he got it right. Now, he just knows, you know, go to the pad, get a treat. He’ll go use the pad and then just run right over to the treat container. So, if you’ve got somebody who doesn’t know better yet, you’ve got somebody who’s a total newb to your processes, be clear on the expectation. But then give them the time that’s realistically necessary to get it. Because so often, what happens to us as leaders? We’ve got all of these deadlines and pressures, right? We’ve got all these voices screaming at us to go faster and telling us we can’t delay even a minute. And so then we come over and we’re all upset, and then the people we’re trying to lead get all stressed out. And if you know anything about stressed out dogs, what can they do? Pee on your floor. The very thing you are trying to avoid, you create. And people are the same way. The more anxiety you put them under, the more mistakes they’re going to make and the harder it is gonna be for them to rise to the level you need them to be. So, understand, patience does not keep you from winning, OK? It ensures you do.

So, the wrap up is, if you want people to follow you, to be absolutely blunt, you can’t force it. You have to understand that obedience, that loose leash, is a gift and happens when you earn it. And you do that by repeatedly showing up and delivering rewards consistently enough to build a sense of trust and safety.

Let’s go ahead and pray.

Lord, I am so, so grateful that you choose to earn our trust with absolute consistency in your love and the way you discipline. Give us the patience you’ve modeled as we train others in both your Word and our work. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

That’s all the time I’ve got for today. But I hope the way I’ve laid this out gives you some clarity about how to set up your interactions with those who need you to lead. If you haven’t done it yet, I’ll give you another reminder to check out all our supporting content at faithfulontheclock.com. YOU can support the show by registering for a paid membership, but there’s lots of free stuff for you, too. Next time, we’re gonna be addressing questions. Author Catherine Cowell joins me for an awesome discussion on why making space to ask all kinds of questions — including those about God — is so important as we navigate life and business. Take care, everybody, and until I see you in two weeks, be blessed.