How to Commit to Continuous, Year-Long Change

Warmest of hellos, everyone. Thanks so much for joining me today. I’m your host, Wanda Thibodeaux, and you’re listening to Faithful on the Clock, the podcast where every horse on the carousel goes around and around to get your faith and work aligned. It’s that time of year again when everybody starts thinking about the changes they wanna make in their lives, so today I’m gonna be talking about committing to change so it lasts. It’s gonna be more than just your usual discussion on why people don’t keep their resolutions, because I’ve already done that in a previous year, so get comfy and let’s hit it.

So, if you’ve ever made a New Year’s resolution, then you’ve probably had the experience where, you know, it’s all going well for a little while, you’re pumped, you’re motivated, and then old habits just take over and everything just goes south, right? And before you know it, within a couple of weeks or a month, it’s all right back where it used to be. Now, I think by now, there’s enough information out there that most people know why this all happens. Sometimes people don’t set up good ways to keep themselves accountable, or they just get impatient, you know, their environment isn’t supporting the new habit, or resources start to dwindle. And sometimes others even can sabotage us, right? Like, they’ll say things like, “Oh, come on, it’s fine if you break your diet just this once!” or stuff like that.

But what I wanna talk about is how to hone your commitment to what you want to do. Because if you can develop and hold onto that, you usually can fix all the other stuff that might throw you off. If you’re not committed, you know, you’re not gonna set up those paths to accountability. You’re not gonna set your environment up properly. You see what I mean? So, making change work has to start with laying this foundation of commitment to the way you wanna be. That’s gotta be there before anything else happens.

So, the first thing I want you to consider is your values. I talk a lot about values on this show because they’re so central to the integrity God wants to see from us. But the idea with values and change is that, when you come up with your new goal, you clarify for yourself all of the values you have that that change is aligned with. And then what you do is you tell yourself, “I’m gonna follow through on this new behavior or activity because it represents what I believe in.” You know, it’s authentic, and you deserve to express that. You’re worth that. It’s a way of making sure there’s no dissonance between what you say you care about and what you actually do. And every time you’re tempted to go back to your old way of doing things, you tell yourself, I’m not just committing to a behavior. I’m reaffirming what matters to me, and along the way, I’m gonna make sure that what matters to me is what matters to God. Because I think it’s a lot easier to hold fast out of respect for Him than it is to hold fast just because you know the benefits of something. When you make it about that relationship that you have with Him, the values inside of that, suddenly you’re not working on the change alone anymore, and the change becomes about a purpose that’s way bigger than you. You know you have a real mission, and you focus on that so that the new habit emerges as a natural consequence of understanding what that mission is. And I hope you can see how that, it’s different than just figuring out a more superficial why for your own gain, right? It’s humble and it ensures that you’re thinking about the character of God in how you try to live your life.

Now, the second thing is, stop thinking of the long-term commitment. I know that might sound a little counterintuitive. But what happens a lot of the time is that people see how long they’re gonna have to keep everything up and their brain just quits. They get so overwhelmed and start to doubt themselves, and you know, doubt’s the doorway to giving up. So what I recommend you do is, really stay in the moment. Don’t think about the fact you have to repeat the new behavior or activity eight million times in the future. All you have to do is commit and follow through on this one instance in front of you. That’s it. If you’ve listened to the show before, you might have heard episodes where I talk about running, because that’s something I enjoy a lot. But when I’m out on the road or I hit the treadmill, I’m telling you, I can’t be thinking about how many more miles there are to go. I totally break that sucker up into smaller pieces so I can mentally get through it. You know, it’s not, “You gotta make it another 45 minutes.” It’s, “Just get to this next quarter-mile mark.” And then when I do that, it’s like, “See, you did it.” And then I just hit repeat on that. And sure, there are some quarter-miles where I wish I were on the couch eating potato chips, but I get through it, and once I get through it, I can be proud of what just happened. You know, I have real progress going on.

Number three, remember you’re in the image of God. And if you know anything about God, then you know that when God says He’s gonna do something, He does it. And you know, He’s the king of long-term commitment. Jesus, He was God’s way of playing the long game, making sure we have an eternity with Him. So, if you’re serious about following God, then you’ve gotta try to keep your word the same way He does. Right, you wanna follow His example. Now, of course, we’re gonna flub sometimes. None of us are perfect. But we’re supposed to just give it our best within our humanness. So when you get tempted, you just pause and say, “Wait a minute here. I’m supposed to represent God. I’m not supposed to be wishy-washy on things.” And the key here is that you remind yourself that, if you are in His image and you have faith, you have access to everything that enables Him to commit for the long-haul, OK? You can tap all of the resources He has, rather than leaning on the resources you find for yourself. And when you know you have that power, you know, that it’s actually a team effort rather than you doing it all by your own merit, it changes what you believe you’re capable of. And that shifts your perception of whether it’s possible to keep going with the goal or not. And if you think things are possible, you’re much more likely to hang in there and keep going.

Fourth, address any black-and-white thinking you might be prone to do. Black-and-white thinking says that if you screw up once, that’s it. You’re a failure. And that’s where a lot of people, they say, “Well, I messed up. That must be evidence that I can’t do it, so I’m just gonna quit. There’s no point.” But again, you’re human. So, realistic commitment isn’t about being perfect. I know that can be hard to accept given how competitive the business world is — some people, they won’t even start a goal if they think there’s a possibility they’ll make mistakes, but that’s limiting because it means you’ll only ever pursue things you’ve already got some confidence on. But realistic commitment is just about trying again as many times as it takes. We need to be like little toddlers who fall flat on their faces as they're trying to walk. They do that, they might cry a little because they’re startled a bit. But they don’t have this inner critic yelling at them that they can’t try again or that it’s all over. They don’t have this expectation that they have to be flawless. So, what happens? That desire to walk builds in them again and then they get up. And they do it again and again until, before you know it, they’re across the room. So, you know, the Japanese have a proverb, and it basically translates to, “Fall down seven, get up eight.” And the idea is that, you know, you don’t let what happened draw this hard line about what’s possible. You try again and persist because you understand that there’s leeway to learn and that there’s a bigger picture of progress that has to happen. So give yourself that leeway. You know, if you recognize that inner critic yapping at you with that kind of mentality, you tell it to just shut up and then you just show up and do what you need to do.

Last but not least, I want you to wallow in the dirt for a while. Now, what do I mean by that? What I mean is, you cannot commit to and be successful in a change unless you face all of the issues that are keeping you the way you are. And I’m not just talking about not having the right app or tools on your phone, here, OK? I’m talking about acknowledging really tough stuff, you know, the fears from all the way back when you were a kid, all your coping mechanisms, or maybe the fact you don’t think you even deserve to be successful. And what I’m gonna ask you to do is clarify what those points are and just give yourself some time to grieve a little. We don’t talk about grief and resolutions together much, do we? But if you want to come alive in some positive way, then that means you have to let the other ways you’ve been die. You have to come to terms and be at peace with the fact you’re not gonna be able to behave the same way, or you’ll just boomerang right back to where you were. So, you take that time to grieve. You don’t actively pursue those old ways of doing anymore as you do that. But you say, “It’s OK if I’m a little sad or frustrated that I won’t have that old life anymore.” And you give yourself that space to reminisce and feel whatever comes up so you can process it. Because then once you’ve processed it, you can let it go. You can look forward without any longing for the past. Now, I do wanna mention here, this can be a rough thing to do. It can be really confusing, because during the grieving process, you’ve kind of got one foot in, one foot out. It’s a crossroads. So, it can be really helpful to find some people who can support you through it, who can be with you as you sort through everything you’re feeling and who can keep you motivated to head in the right direction. So, if you don’t have those people on your team yet, figure out who those people are gonna be before you try to do all the deeper work you have to do. It just makes it a million times easier.

So, there you have it, listeners, my top five ways to ensuring that you have some real commitment to the new goals you set. My hope is that, once you see that it’s possible to increase how committed you are, you know, that that is something feasible you can do, that you’ll start to really dream a little. You know, start doing some big things for yourself, others, and God. He didn’t put you on the Earth to be a lump, OK?

So, with that thought, let’s pray.

Lord, if anyone knows what long-term commitment is, it’s You. And my prayer is that You’ll help us figure out how we’re supposed to change and what goals we can set to serve You. Because we’ve got everybody and their brother telling us what we should do, Lord. So, would You please just quiet all that noise? Let us hear You through all of that and choose to take action on the path You present to us. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

Well, there’s no more, everybody. That’s it. We’re done not just for this episode, but for all of 2023. It’s amazing how quickly all that time can go by. But for our next show, our start to 2024, I’m gonna get into diversity and inclusion. We’re gonna take a closer look at how faith specifically fits into that picture and why it’s important for us not to hide what we believe. Goes right along with the tagline of the show, I think. So, until that episode drops, Merry Christmas, everyone, and be blessed.